What does a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Don't view spoiler if you find the question offensive.
Acne doesn't come on your face until the age of fourteen
Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house.
What's the difference between a pickup truck full of bowling balls and a pickup truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
I'm going to give this thread one more week to get a few more contestants. :-) Keep 'em coming!
I just got into rougelites like Ziggurat and Binding of Isaac so I want to give this a shot.
"I treat women like I do numbers....
If they're under 16, do them in your head."
Whats the common thing betwen Black People and Sperm ?
Only 1 in a Million works .
I have an EpiPen....
My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
EA battlelog. Disconnecting you from servers for no reason since it was made.
I used to date a cute girl with a lazy eye... it turns out she was seeing some one else the whole time.
If youtube links are allowed, ill replace my joke with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWa9sJzgM4A
If not, i recoment watching it if you want to have a laugh.
Whats the difference between high school and prisons?
There's a lot less sex in prisons.
A blonde went to electronic store and she asked, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years out in a park. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 minutes left, if you want to have another go." The statues looked at each other and the male statue answered "Fine, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on it."
One last weekend before I choose a winner! I'll get in touch with the winner on Monday. Until then, keep 'em coming!
Here's a bullets related joke:
So a guy hears his wife is having an affair with his best friend.
Enraged over his wife's betrayal, he approaches a well-known hitman at his local bar.
The hitman, known for his deadly accuracy, was so confident in his marksmanship that he charged by the bullet. So the man comes up and asks him "Hey, are you the guy that charges $5000 a shot?" The hitman calmly answers "Yes, that'd be me. What do you want?"
The man replies "I need you to take out two people for me. I've got the $10,000 right here and I know exactly where they are."
So the two drive over to the seedy motel the man's wife and best friend are staying at. He points out the window of their room to the hitman, as the assassin pulls out his rifle and attaches his scope.
"I want you to put one bullet in the back of her head and one in that traitor's crotch", the man requests. "Consider it done." replies the hitman.
Five minutes or so pass, with the hitman just eyeing the window through his scope, and the man becomes increasingly impatient.
Exasperated, he exclaims "What's taking so long?!?"
The hitman cooly responds "Give it a minute, I'm about to save you $5000."
Thanks everybody for all the jokes! A lot of these made me laugh, but the one that I told to the most people was the Christian Bale joke, so I'm calling that the winner. I've gotten in touch with the person to start the trade.
This was fun! Thanks for everybody who participated!
A little unusual. :-) I've got a second copy of this game that I'm willing to give away free to someone, in exchange for a good joke. :-)
Rules are simple. Post your best joke here. I'll read them all, and before the weekend is over, I'll get in touch with the person who told the best joke and we'll do the trade via Steam.
Have fun! And may the best joke win!