The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
why is Thomas alone? did Percy leave him? oh mother of god the trains can talk? we are all screwed now.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?" + Dota2 gift xD
Like I posted in some other joke thread:
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel.
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A REALIST sees a freight train.
The TRAIN OPERATOR sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Don't need the game because I already have it. Just posting...
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
I actually plan on making a survey about jokes (what people find funny and what not), you can be the first person for some jokes (I guess anything over 5 is funny) - again not for the game:
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Someone is knocking on the door, who is it?
Not Sally.
Son sees his father getting a condom on himself.
Son: "What are you doing?"
Father: "Trying to catch a mouse."
Son: "Will you fuck it?"
thomas was alone when bob came in pieces,he was faster than light(FTL),until he has lost The Ball,he called its ball sam...wait...am i serious?why am i telling all these game names in only 1 stupid comment?That's a TRAUMA isn't it?what if i split you in 2 equal part....you would have half-life right?you would feel as the man who has the Max Pain in the world,that would be a little inferno,so you kill yourselves with a BrokenSword after you ate some Painkillers
Racist jokes tend to get old... once you've heard Juan youve heard Jammal. ;)
A man goes to a bar. He gets there, starts ordering drinks, chatting to his mates, and has a pretty good time. This goes on for several hours, until it's very late in the morning and the man is so drunk he can barely see. He's been sitting at the bar all night, and finally says to the barman: 'That's it, I've got to go home. My wife is gonna kill me tomorrow - cheers for everything, g'night!' and starts to leave.
So he tries to stand up, and instantly falls! Quite shocked, he lies on the ground and thinks 'Bloody hell, I didn't think I was this drunk.. How the hell am I supposed to get home?' Well there's nothing for it, so he starts dragging himself across the street. He opens his gate, and drags himself across the garden, to his front door; which he opens, and drags himself inside. He drags himself all the way up the stairs and into bed with his wife, and exhausted, falls asleep.
The next morning, he wakes up to his wife laughing at him. Confused, he asks her what for, and she responds: 'The bartender fro the pub you were at called - he said you were so drunk you left your wheelchair at the the bar!'
Since nobody wants Thomas was alone, i gonna make a giveaway!
All u need to do is: a funny joke. Rating from 1 - 10
OFFERS IS ALLOWED TOO!.
Good Luck ppl :)
ENDS 22:30 about 22 mins left